Time to Move On...

I think about things, a lot! To the extent I sometimes want to tell my brain to stop. Life, work and of course my dogs...big topics! I love my dogs. The training and competing in different venues is fun-it is a very 3-D way to get out into the world. 

Losing my Dad a few months ago and the one year anniversary of losing my Mom and my Beloved Reve, has pretty much killed my enthusiasm for many things...luckily work has been so insanely busy, no time to stop moving.  I am probably delaying grieving as it hits me at the strangest times-like stuck in 3 lanes of speeding-psycho highway traffic or ordering mashed potatoes at a Diner and find myself crying, as my chest wells into my eyes. I have pushed myself to not withdraw...dogs help keep you in the here and now. Puppies breathe new life into the world!

I am always looking for that special something in a dog. It is a hard quality to quantify, and I think a very personal choice to each of us. What is special to me, may not be to someone else, etc. I like a dog with personality, not just a furry robot, but a dog who seems to have a sense of humor, is friendly and also keen to learn and interact with me. I meet a lot of dogs who seem very flat in affect, they may be talented workers or fast, but to me have no personality.

I realize after some recent disappointments with a dog I got from another breeder-one quality I really like, is a dog who chooses me over other dogs! A dog-focused dog is no fun. I don't mean that in a self-involved way, I am thinking in terms of the conflict it also creates for them. Always asking them to do something that goes against their nature.

If given a choice between a piece of raw beef and a Cheerio...to that type of dog, I am a Cheerio.  I can pattern responses and reward train such a dog, but at their core that will always be a battle of choices for them. They don't want me, they want the group, they want the beef. 

Since I train with mutual respect, to build a relationship with a thinking dog-I see that as their choice. I have a family of dogs, but they all see me as Beef! Seamlessly live together as a group, but it's all about me :) That sounds conceited, but that isn't what I mean-it is that they all have their individual personalities, and a bond with me while also being part of a small pack. The dynamics and peace in the group are important, and having a sense of self, I think is important for a dog too.

Words like stubborn or independent, may be what some use, but those seem more about us, than the dog. There is no force, other than choice that can change that type of dog. When in a group of dogs, a pup who makes the obvious choice to seek you out...there is no way to explain it! 

It is really odd, one pup who came into my house-had all the usual one on one attention I give, love, take them everywhere, classes, private herding lessons, etc...whether just because a very soft dog, or?? could seriously give a rat's ass about me in general around the other dogs...I am a Cheerio! :)

Fostering a little rescue who grew up more than half her life, living in a shelter, from a hoarding situation...this dog looked me in the eye and chose me! The risk of over-bonding and very un-housebroken nature of her, crate training has helped her have a sense of herself, as well as self-control. This dog bonded to me in an instant! This dog lived in a huge pack, and yet still chooses me-very interesting!

I find, that with the amount of loss I have experienced this past year...raw and painful as it has been, it has not killed me, I am stronger and also have a clearer vision of where I want to move on to. 

When you breed dogs, the many layers that go into the decisions (at least for me) are hard to explain to someone who just sees the cute face, or brilliant speeding bullet. The layers of who they are, and what you are producing by choosing to breed them, weighs on me as a responsibility. We can all be kennel blind, I am trying to be an objective pragmatist. Doesn't mean I love the dog less, but there are choices to be made.

In some of my breeding choices, it is time to move on. I am constantly trying to not just do my best, but to do better when I bring new life into the world. They are my responsibility! To them I am the beef! :) I love each and everyone of them, regardless of what they "do". But, I also learn from my choices and either stick with the plan, or decide to go a different direction and move on. I am refining my plan, every day...what the future holds is pretty exciting!