Hospice
Her eyes looked like the Harvest moon, glaring a blood-orange glow as we drove home. She looked more like a Portuguese Water dog than a cat. Shaved like a Portie-she had probably never seen a brush and with her thick coat of Maine Coon x Persian hair, she was a cat who needed to be brushed. That was one of our first agreements, there would be NO brushing. Nails were negotiable, but biting me was also an option.
Animals really do mark the passage of our lives. It seems like yesterday we were driving home. She had not been vetted at the shelter, needed to be spayed, was filled with Giardia and had an adverse reaction to Rabies vaccine on our first veterinary appointment. But, she was a tough nut and had survived on the streets of one of NH's busy city's. She has been my predictor of thunderstorms, and has always been afraid of fireworks-probably from her time on the streets.
I named her Karma-Zugi. She reminded me of an Anime character, so I made up a name to fit her. Her Superpowers have always been to let you know exactly what she wants, or does not want. She has helped raise many pups, both mine and foster litters and taught them the way of cats. In her prime she helped keep the rodent population down and often took walks with the dogs as we hiked our woods. More of a dog-cat.
Quality of life has been a deciding factor for me. Zugi was really ill a few months back and stopped eating. If they are not eating, I figure okay maybe we are close? But, then like the warrior she is, she rallied! Hers is the first face I see in the morning, asking for a cat treat I keep in the bedside drawer. She stopped being there in the morning, and then she was again! The last few days she has not been. This morning, I found her with little control of her hind legs, lying on the rug near the door she usually goes out. She had urinated, due to lack of control. My poor girl. I carefully picked her up and brought her outside for a few minutes and then carried her back in. We all need dignity, even a cat.
So how do you decide when it is time? Old age and medical reasons have more of a visible Why? We reach a point, where do we let them suffer? Or, do we "put them out of their pain"? For anyone, including me, who has had to make the decision to euthanize for behavioral reasons, the visible why isn't always apparent to someone outside of the situation. It really isn't up to anyone outside of a situation to judge. Zugi was an obvious Why when I adopted her, but she transformed into a loving soul.
Death is death, it kills us too as we say goodbye. Regardless of why. Grief doesn't have rules or parameters, it is as individual as each relationship and who the person is. I already know I have a very hard time saying goodbye to humans I love, hospice is a way of loving them and showing how much you care, just a bit longer. There are many in this world who do not care for animals or pets, I can't imagine that for me.
Not sure I am ready to let her go yet, but she is dying. She might make the choice for me. For now, I just will take care of her and love her.
